Sometimes we feel blinded by rage or anger that demands that we do something drastic only to regret it later. Take the case in point for instance—you walk in on your younger child running around wrecking your room while screaming at the top of his voice. There is your elder child sitting at your desk looking suspiciously calm and serene reading her books. And the ruckus that your younger child is creating is just exacerbating your already pounding headache. Your first reaction is to simply catch hold of the younger kid and yell at him to stop and then slap the elder one for enraging the younger one. Though these thoughts have a tendency to overwhelm you, you need to reign in your rage and remember that it is not a good parenting technique. You need to know about anger management and ways to cope with toxic reactions.
The fact is anger and aggression can trigger angry impulses in you and the easy way out is to become aggressive yourself. Often, you need to remember that even if you make an overture for peace you will be met with thesilent treatment. You may need to learn about dealing with silent treatment in your relationship, whether with your spouse or your kids.
While we can all be faced with many situations like this in the outside world or during the course of parenting, it is important to learn how to control your negative reactions. It is but natural to feel that flash of anger when faced with a situation that irritates us. Though anger is a natural outcome and can even be good when it comes to facing injustice or threats and motivate you to even more forward, it does not always manifest in positive actions. It often comes with a certain level of bad behavior that will fill you with regret later. It is no use thinking that I want to change my life, but I really don’t know how after the wreckage of what your behavior has been after your anger has left you.
But you know what? You can do something about your anger before it wrecks every aspect of your life. You start by thinking hard and long about what sets you off and makes you angry. Try to sort through the jumble of thoughts and events that trigger you to lose your cool and become angry. You need to dig deep to know what can be the factors to avoid and the techniques you adopt. The key here is to be prepared ahead of time.
How not to do something in an angry moment that you may regret later:
Be aware of what your anger makes you feel: It is important to be completely aware of the physical changes your body goes through when you get angry and the way your thought process works during this time. You need to take the time to think long and hard about all aspects and we suggest that you even note it down so that you cover every aspect.
Realize that your anger and your bad behavior are two different things: Yes, anger and the behavior it gives rise to are two different things. You need to be aware that your shouting, pushing, shoving, hitting etc. are not anger. They are the results of your anger when you do not think things through. You will need to list out the actions you will take to let your anger you to resolve the feelings of anger in a better manner.
Recognize the factors that set you off: You need to know what sets your anger off and the way you instinctively react to anger. You can actually turn this around to make these small instinctual actions as an early warning system that you can use to stop the negative behavior and use this to behave in a positive manner that you have determined for yourself. Act this out when you are in a normal mood so that you have it by rote.
Establish a phrase or tactic that you can draw on: You can have a routine that will detail out what you will do when something happens with different scenarios. Teach your kids and family to have a particular word that will make others aware and help them calm down before acting out on their anger. Slowing down can help or even sensory changes.
Accept your anger and pause: It is a good idea to acknowledge what you are feeling and even accept it. You can tell yourself that this can happen to everyone. Once you feel a bit better about the way you are feeling, you can start looking at the situation from a problem-solving aspect. Something as simple as counting to a certain number can help you hold of off on destructive behavior that could come about from your anger. You may even walk away to ensure that your anger does not harm you or others.
All these techniques can work only if you take them seriously and even practice them. The first step for any such changes would arise from your inner need of wanting to change. You need to also realize that there will be slip-ups. Any mistakes you make in the applying of these techniques can be used as lessons for the future. It is important to forgive yourself for the mistakes you make and work on using the techniques effectively. This is the way forward and you will find out things that you need to stop doing to become a success.