Mothers and daughters, what can one say about them? They are close, they are similar, they love each other, but they also find it difficult to get along. Why is that? After all, it has been said that if you want to know how a girl will appear and behave when she grows old, then all you need to do is look at the mother. This is often true that as a girl grows older, she does become her mother in spite of all denials and resolutions. Then the question is, is it so bad that a girl becomes like her mother? Actually, it is not at all bad and in fact, it can be an admirable thing to become; after all mothers are role models aren’t they?
In spite of all that we have said above, there is a definite tension in a mother-daughter relationship. Here are some factors that could be the cause of it and by understanding the cause of this tension, we can also probably find some means by which we can improve your mother-daughter relationship.
What Mothers Feel:
They fear for their daughter’s safety: One of the main concerns and factors that haunt a mother’s heart since the day a daughter is born is her concern for her safety. A mother knows that the world can be a bad place for her tender little daughter, more than a son can, and that is why her protectiveness is fiercer. The way she goes about expressing this may come.
They feel that a daughter should not go through what she did: Whether most people will admit it or not life is tough and more so when you are a woman. A mother would have gone through this journey and would know what awaits her daughter when she grows up to womanhood. This would make her extra cautious and concerned for the way her daughter’s life would pan out. This feeling often can translate to her being harsher in her behavior towards her daughter.
She wants her daughter to learn lessons the easy way: We all learn a lot of lessons in our lives as women but often the lessons we learn are hard and bitter. When a woman watches her little daughter following in her own footsteps, then she feels the need to stop her from following in her footsteps, which essentially means that she wants her daughter to learn her lessons the easy way.
What Daughters Feel:
She feels that her mother wants to live her life: As a daughter grows and becomes a woman she starts to feel that she should be allowed to live the life she wants to live and not live the life that her mother wanted to live. This tussle tends to cause a bit of friction between mother and daughter. She wishes that her mother would learn how to forget the past and move on in life.
The daughter feels that the mother is too controlling: This is an age old problem between parents and children and gets accentuated when the parent and child are of the same gender. The situation can become very bad between a mother and daughter with the daughter thinking that the mother is controlling.
She feels that her mother is too critical: Since we have already talked about mothers wanting their daughters to learn things the easy way, she would try to correct her daughter often which to the teenage mind can translate to the mother being to controlling.
Both of them feel that the other does not understand: As the mother and daughter go through these feelings, each starts feeling that the other is wrong and that they are right. This means that both the daughter and mother feel that the other doesn’t understand the other. What is more, the daughter sees the way a mother interacts with her son and feels that she is too harsh with her. And the mother sees the interaction the daughter has with her father and feels that the daughter is not as affable as she is with the father.
As you read the points of view that both the mother and daughter have, you may have arrived at some conclusions of your own.
However, We Give Here Some Pointers On How To Improve The Mother-Daughter Relationship:
Keep the communication channels open: One of the things that make a mother and daughter relationship difficult is what remains unsaid. Often mothers would forbid their daughters from doing something without telling them why and this can deepen the rift. It is always best for the mother to tell the daughter the reason behind her dictate. Often daughters are also not forthcoming about their feelings and this too can deepen the rift. Keeping the talks going is one way to ensure that this is avoided.
Think before you speak: Sometimes, some things sound very harsh when spoken aloud and this can be avoided when both mothers as well as daughters think things through before saying anything. This way they have had a chance to assess the probable impact of what they are about to say and alter it accordingly.
Become friends: After a certain age, it makes sense for a mother and daughter to become friends rather than have a parent-child relationship. This is one of the best ways to make the relationship better and this can also help improve the communication and understanding between the two of them.