We all are defined by our families as they a vital part of what we at the basic level. But sometimes some people have faced family situations that demanded them to make a decision to step away from a family relationship that was not the way it should be. No matter who the relative in question is like a sibling or a parent or a child, this is something that is unfortunate but needs to be done. Normally one feels the need to cut ties with a family member because it becomes absolutely essential to do this and continuing with the mistreatment is not right.
Many a times the interesting part is that we are ready to put up with a lot of bad from families. It still works when the same family who tends you to drive you nuts is the same one that will also support you when you are in trouble. This means that even if they are irritating, they will be there for you when you need them. This is love that is given without conditions and even though they may not agree with you at all times, will be there for you. It is a mix of love, concern, affection and tolerance that is the foundation for such relationships. While this is what is ideal many are not that lucky.
The thing is that when a relationship does more harm than good, then it is better to sever the ties.
Read To Know How To Go About It:
Start by evaluation aspects of the relationship: It is probably the case that you are already evaluating the relationship but actually having to cut the ties can make you feel bad and involve feelings of having let yourself down, a feeling of being empty, doubts, guilt and a great deal of grief. You need to be cautious in making such a decision. Instead of thinking that I am unable to finish anything I start, it is time to start thinking clearly.
Start with the history: In case you have already put up a lot from this person who has been irritating you for a long time then you need to think if you want to still be linked with such a person. Sometimes we get swayed by the history we share with this person and this is something that should not be happen. It is better to cut the ties now than let things prolong and let things go on so long that you feel the pain when you cut the ties.
Who else is affected: You will notice that when you cut ties with one person in the family, it results in other relationships getting affected by this. This can make you feel guilty when people take sides but you have to be prepared for this kind of thing to happen and also realize that you cannot be responsible for what others feel. Just think if the person you are planning on distancing yourself from is worth all the reactions that it will set off. But do not keep your relationship going just because you are afraid of how others will react.
What is the role you play in the family? It is common that most people have a role in the family and this happens at an early age. This role somehow follows us into other areas and we are stuck in this. If you are planning to change your role, then you will have to face a lot of opposition and comments on this.
Find out their feelings for you: Ideally speaking families are supposed to love you beyond any conditions, but you may be feeling something else from them. What is it? The one thing that will help you find out how they feel about you is by giving a deeper look at how you feel when you are around them. Be objective and think about the cues you are getting without letting any guilt interfering with the way you feel. You will soon realize the way the person feels about you.
What about boundaries? This is something that families seem to take for granted and basically there are no boundaries. Sometimes people mistakenly think of not having boundaries as love without conditions, which is simply not true. In case, you are in a stage where you can’t make a decision about which way to go, then setting a boundary should help.
How mutually close are you? Sometimes even though being with your family is tiresome, it feels bearable when you only have to do it once in a while. If the family member is one who is not that close, then too it is easy to cut off. But when it comes to a close family member hurts you, then it hurts more and you may need to consider cutting the ties.
What could be the possible solutions? In case you have tried talking things over with your family members, then it makes no sense to try again. When younger, you may find that your age prevents you from confronting others. But as you grow up, this becomes easier. Do remember that cutting of ties need not be permanent it can be akin to a cooling off period.
Also think about how this situation is affecting you: Most people are ridden with guilt when they nurse negative feelings for their close family members even when it is justified. Especially when it is a tussle between your spouse and your parents. You have to realize that your spouse and kids are also important and you need to keep the balance between both.
It Is Alright To Say Farewell In Some Situations Like:
When you are mentally or physically abused in the relationship. It is best not to ignore this as it could have long-term effects on your psyche.
A bad relationship starts affecting your physical, mental and even professional life.
When you spend a lot of time obsessing about the way things are going wrong.
When the whole relationship is lopsided.
When the relationship becomes more about money than anything else.
The family member is pulling you along with them into their troubles.
The person in question manipulates and uses you.
Any contact with them is negative.
You have to face a lot of flak when you don’t do what they want.
When your inner self tells you it is time to cut the ties.
Learn To Make The Cut Once You Have Decided: Here Are Some Steps To Help You Out –
Start with lesser contact over time. This will make you aware of how you were being affected.
Set the limit; this works when you cannot cut the ties but want to protect yourself.
Be neutral in your approach and keep away from arguments.
Keep the contact minimal and impersonal.
You have to be prepared for things to be difficult.
Establish a support group who understands what you are going through and why you are doing what you are doing.
Talk to others in the family and explain things to them clearly and firmly and do not back out.