As you grow up being in a relationship is inevitable and this can be great fun when the going is good but sadly there is also a chance that it could lead to a breakup. When this happens, most of us feel like things are down in dumps and as if life has come to an end. For most of us getting over that ugly breakup is a process that is not pleasant and sometimes people never get over the breakup with their whole personalities intact. In fact the damage can carry on to their next relationship and taint that too.
What if I told you that there is a process that will help you get over your breakup with your whole psyche intact? It is not easy, it is not something that all of us can do, but it can be done.
Here is what I have learned in my years of observation and from personal experience:
Slow down when you are in the relationship: Let us face it; we have all been in relationships which we know is not going anywhere or where we have had a feeling that it is not as good as it should be. In spite of this feeling, still commit to the relationship and do things together. There is nothing wrong in doing that but you have to do one more thing to ensure that you come out intact from the breakup; hold back a little. By this we do not mean doing mean things or being emotionally aloof, all you need to do is slow things down so that both of you have a chance to see how things are panning out. This step will not only help you but also the other person in the relationship.
Make sure that you are not doing too much: Often it has been seen that when a person does a lot for another, a breakup of such a relationship can be devastating. The one thing that any healthy relationship can do with balance and it is this mature and calm approach that will help you when you have a breakup; the feeling that you did not do too much and did not get enough in return
Ensure that the breakup process is not cruel: The above points refer to the stage when you are in a relationship that you feel is going to break up but this current point is about the actual breakup. The first thing is that never make the breakup cruel or vicious. We agree in some cases it is not possible to contain this but if it is in your control, try and make the process kind and amiable. This will keep the resentment and bitterness to a minimum.
Allow for some grieving time and be patient: Even in a relationship that was not too deep, there is bound to be a feeling of being bereft and lonely and that is the reason that you need to let yourself patiently go through the grieving process. You will need to be patient with yourself during this time and while doing this ensure that things do not slip into self-pity. Let yourself feel the grief and let your emotions out by raving and crying. There is no shame in doing this; after all you are grieving the end of a relationship.
Have a support group to help you through: Good friends can really help through the breakup process. Form a good support group who will be there for you and take you through the process. Ensure that they know what is going and are available for you when you are at your lowest. Make sure that you are not taking their kindness for granted and also be prepared to support them when they are going through a breakup. These things are best when done on a mutual basis.
Establish procedure, follow it and don’t look back: When you are at your dating prime the likelihood of more relationships and breakups are more likely before you settle down for life with your life partner. It only makes sense that you have a procedure for getting over your breakup. The process has to take you through venting, some amount of self criticism, some indulgences, some thinking and then slow but sure recovery. Make sure that you have a process in place and follow it and once you have recovered, ensure that you do not look back.
As you can see it is possible to get over that breakup, all you need to do is know how to do it. Hopefully the hints give above will help you. Instead of sitting around thinking nobody loves me I don’t know why, pick the pieces and move on with your life.