Have you ever come across a person who believes that by hanging on to the past, you can actually live in it and recreate it? It can be very frustrating to do that, right? Well meet my best friend Maya and no, she is not the one who lives in the past, but it is her husband Jamie who does that. When you first meet Maya and Jamie as a couple, you will be delighted at what a lovely couple they make in spite of being so different in every way. Maya is a gorgeous lady blessed with olive toned skin, brown hair and brown eyes and Jamie is a good looking man with red hair, green eyes and very sharp features. She is small and petite and he is tall and husky. She is a lawyer and he is into advertising. Together they make a pretty good income and are at 26 and 28 years respectively very well off.
After reading until here, you must be wondering what then is the problem? The thing is Maya comes from a very simple background and believes in things like buying a house, having kids etc while Jamie seems to think he is still in college and likes to party around. While Maya is a fun girl, she also believes that partying like there is no tomorrow is not something that can be done all the time. She feels that they should have the “talk” about how to go about doing things. Jamie on the other hand is still into silly pranks and wants to be a teenager only with a lot more spending power.
Their life has now become fraught with tensions, with Maya forcing him to have a serious discussion and he refusing to be pinned down to anything serious. Now matters have become so bad that Maya was actually contemplating a separation. Things came to a head when she caught Jamie taking money out of their investment fund to take the “boys” for a trip to a casino. At that point, she knew the writing on the wall was very clear, it was almost as if he was saying “I don’t want to grow up; why should I?
The first thing she did was withdraw her part of the savings from the joint account and put it in a separate account and the next thing she did was take some time off work and take a small solo holiday. She informed Jamie about what she had done and booked a room in a town by the beach for about 4 days. She spent these four days thinking about what to do.
Soon she came to a few conclusions:
- She really loved Jamie and did not want their marriage to end
- She also knew that things could not go on as they were right now
- She had to do something dramatic so that things would change
- The plan she came up with was simple “if you can’t beat them, join them.”
She came back home with a clear head and a very simple but effective plan. She did not want to sit around thinking my marriage is not working – tell me what to do, instead she wanted to take action. The first thing she did on reaching home is buy some new teenage kind of clothes, then she called her friends over to get them in on her plan and then she had a talk with Jamie. She simply told him that yes; there was no point in growing up so she had decided that she too wanted to have a partying kind of lifestyle. She announced that henceforth she would not take care of the household chores, paying of the bills, the cooking of meals etc. In fact, she even suggested that they keep separate accounts instead of pooling resources. Jamie though a bit startled seemed to like the way things were going.
The next week Maya hit all the hotspots in the city with her group of friends, she drank, she danced, she flirted and had a ball. Jamie was very happy to see that Maya had stopped harping on things and become more fun. However, after one week, as he was getting ready to go to work, he discovered there were no clean clothes to wear, there was no soap in the bathroom and in fact they did not have milk in the refrigerator!
“Maya! What is happening? There is nothing at home.” he yelled. Maya came out with bleary eyes from the bedroom and told him to do his laundry while she occupied the bathroom only to emerge after a while and leave the house. Jamie did not like this but had to keep quite. This went on for about a month before Jamie came to the conclusion that not growing up was fun only as long as he had somebody else doing all the grownup stuff and when seen in comparison to a more orderly life. His funds were running low from eating out all the time, the house was a mess and there was no food or clean clothes at all.
He started making an effort around the house to show Maya that he was ready to grow up. He would do some laundry, attempt to clean the home and he even bought some provisions. Maya noticed the changes but decided to keep quiet about until he was ready to talk. One day, Jamie called her up when she was at work and asked her to join him for dinner. That day was the turning point. He told Maya that he was sick of living this way and he was ready to make changes. Maya knew that if she agreed to go back to the old routine, it would be all too easy for Jamie to go back to his old ways too. She sat him down and she told him why she had done what she had done.
This is the synopsis of what she said:
- Growing up and change are part of lives and without that we would stagnate. One has to move on to progress however difficult it may seem
- It is only fun to behave like a teenager when you are one, later on it is too much effort and you look ridiculous
- Maturing does not mean you give up fun, it is just that your fun takes on a different form
- And whenever you feel that you should not grow up, just spare a thought to what would have happened, if your parents felt the way you do. You will realize that you are what you are today because they decided to grow up
- Fun is only good when seen as a break from your daily life, constant fun can seem like constant irritation after a while.