When you are in the middle of all the struggles that face women who are mothers, something unexpectedly sweet coming from your bright little tyke can really brighten things. Have you ever had your little child tell you that you are the best mother in the world in one breath and tell you she thinks that in spite of the fact that you are not all that wily?
The thing to do in such cases is to thank the child and then tell your child that each of us is good at different things and yours is many things but being wily is not one of them. But you know in your heart, you know whom your child means. Especially when a few days ago she said you are one of the prettiest and you tied up with this other mom for this position?
Well when it happens to be the truth and that the other mother does happen to be really pretty, wily and great on the whole. She is the one who carries around healthy snacks to be handed over to a ravenous child when he or she is hungry. She is also the one has great play dates at home with lots of fun stuff that children enjoy.
You probably feel that you deserve this comparison and the resultant feeling of inadequacy as you have been guilty of doing this to your own mother. You used to compare your mother with another mother who did wonderful things and made each occasion like even a simple lunch feel really special. She would do your hair in that special way and made you feel like a character in a fairy tale.
You would probably then go home and wax poetic about how wonderful and special this mom was as she is wont to do even to this day. The thing is you probably never meant to make her feel any less adequate but she probably felt that way. Nobody likes to be compared to another as you know by now
Who represents such a figure in your life? The fact is that though we do not mean to or consciously mean to do it, we do compare ourselves with other people and with not very good results. Have you ever wondered who this perfect mom is and what her story is?
Is she that lady whose kids look really well groomed and well dressed whatever time you see them?
Or is she the mother who home schools her kids and also manages to do several things while making it all look really effortless?
Is she the mom who also works at a high pressure and highly paid job and seems to take care of all the things related to motherhood and still manages to look really fit? Over and above manages to organize PTQ meetings and remain perfectly sociable?
Or is she the mother who feeds her kids really nutritious stuff once they are weaned off her breast milk, and also has a garden that she tends to in the most organic way? You will probably see that her kids get nothing but the most wholesome and nutritious of foods and their virtuous lips have come in contact with something store brought like Oreo cookies.
But then as a relief there is that mom with you do a comparison just to feel good about yourself. She is the one at the grocery store struggling to keep her kids in order, looking older than she is, her kids look scruffy all the time and are doing really naughty things even as she struggles to complete her grocery shopping.
You may have even been in her position and realized how bad it can be.
Then when is the right time to let all this go? Actually for that there is no time like the present. You should simply never pit yourself against any other mother. You are unique just like your mother was and you should love that.
You may even try to be like the perfect mom of your childhood, but will give it up once you realize it is quite boring and as you realize that your children do not enjoy any of those things. Or you could try and be wily like the mother your tyke talked about and found it to be an exercise in futility.
Actually trying out your hand at being any of the moms described above will show you that it is not what you are and it will not work. Being a mother is not something that is short term and you need to enjoy. That is the only way you will set a good example for your children. That means that you need to be the best mom that you can and not the most beautiful or the most crafty but the one that loves your kids the most.