The guy is really hot and he is fun to be with; you cannot stop thinking of him. But then what is the problem? The only hitch is that he is already taken – he is married. We are sure many women out there have been in a situation like this. It does not matter whether you are committed or single; it could happen to you.
By definition a crush implies an intense desire to get close to someone whom you are really attracted to and consider above others. And a life without crushes would definitely be drab and boring. We all have our crushes right from the early teens. At this stage, our crushes are more to do with movie stars and other celebrities. When you have crush, it always feels intense but it may not develop into anything more due to several reasons.
The first thing you should know is that having a crush on someone is perfectly normal: It does not matter whether the person you have a crush on is single or not, but it is normal to have such feelings. Having some fun interaction and light flirtation with the person you have a crush on is also normal and can lift your mood.
When it comes to having crushes on a married man: It only becomes wrong when you take it a step further and start doing something about it when you have a crush on a married man. If you have been reading this article up to this level, then obviously you are in a situation like this and would like to know how to handle it.
We are not here to pass judgment and accept that these things do happen even in the lives of the most staid people. And it is also possible that the other person is also giving you indications of being interested too and you are really flattered and want to pursue the relationship. But think about what will happen once you do that; you are the person who will be really hurt from the fallout.
Think about this:
Is this what you want to do? You may simply think of this as a fling, but it does not always work out like that. You may end up wanting a committed relationship and this may not happen. Even if he is willing to break his marriage for you, it is going to be messy. Plus think about this; if he can leave his wife for you, couldn’t he do the same to you?
Think about his wife as person who has feelings too and even if she is really not a real person to you, she exists. And think about this; he will be going back to her everyday even after he has been with you. When you think about these points you will be able to feel angry with this man for doing this to you and his wife.
What is more, when you talk to people about this, they will definitely condemn you for going ahead with this. Anyone in a relationship will see you as a threat to theirs. Most people are likely to take a harsh view of this kind of situation and your role in it. You should think about all these points before you do anything.
Some suggestions on how to deal with this:
Is cutting the person out of your life the solution? First of all this may not always be possible given the role that the person may play in your life – like a colleague or a neighbor etc. Plus cutting the person off from your life may really not be the solution as it could make you obsessed with him.
What is more if your feelings are reciprocated, then the man is likely to keep pursuing you. You are better off letting things peter out over time. You can continue to be friendly but impersonal with your crush, buying yourself time to deal with things in a calmer manner.
Some simple steps that can help:
- Look at others: Since you are in the mode of having romantic feelings, why not shift it on someone else with who it could work out? Or if you are in a committed relationship, then focus more on your partner
- Bring his wife into conversations and interactions: This is a softer way of reminding him and yourself that he has a wife and that you are aware of it.
- Focus on his negative points: Seek out things about him that you do not like to bring the intensity of your crush down.
- Keep personal and intimate interaction to a minimum: This will cut the intense connection between the two of you and make things normal.
- Value yourself: Remember that even without your crush in your life, you are a special person. This will make you seek the right man who can treat you the way you need to be.
- It pays to be careful: It is also possible that things may work out for you and your crush if things are rocky with his marriage. But for that to happen you need to make sure that you are the not the reason for the breakup of his marriage.